Ok, finally got around to changing the introduction text. But as you can see, I'm too sianz to write a proper one, so am going to blabber on in hopes that you will get an idea of what sort of person I am by guessing. Yeah, the format of this blog is crap. I haven't got around to fixing it. Later lah.. Much later...
I was telling a friend that day, that sometimes I feel as if I just "collect" people.
I like being alone in company. I constantly feel that I need more people around me, to fill up my time and space; or perhaps just the void within. I need them to define me, without which I feel as if I occupy but a translucent, transient existence.
Like arranging dolls in a circular playroom, to sit in the center watching them watching me.
But in truth, often I find the company of others taxing; troublesome; burdensome.
At times I don't want people to know me. I don't want people to touch me. I crave the ultimate privacy, the exclusive ownership of self; the sole inhabitant of the mind. I'm like the miserly storekeeper who doles out information with a teaspoon; begrudging every little bit of revelation about myself.
Because it's the one thing I truly own? If I open up I fear I will feel empty.
ME signed off at 8:44 PM
Monday, August 09, 2010
134th entry
I feel sorry. I feel a strange sort of regret. Regret often signifies a desire to go back and change things, perhaps for a different ending.
We can't be with people who make you smaller than yourself. We need strength in our lives, and we need people who give that to us. We need people who can hear what we say, even in our imperfect delivery. We need people who think the best of us, even when we sometimes struggle to see the beauty inside ourselves. We need people to change with us, not to change for.
We need people who will lift us up to greater heights. Find those who make you into a person you love.
